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Celebrating a year of HAF Creative

Photo/Billy Alexander

Today marks the one-year anniversary of HAF Creative. It’s been quite a year, and I’m incredibly grateful to the clients who have hired me, the editors who have assigned stories to me, the people who have referred me and the amazing group of friends, colleagues and family who have supported me over the last year.

 

For me, staking out my own little corner of the small business world has been very freeing. I’ve been able to choose the projects I want and focus my energies on the kind of work that I most enjoy. My work is split between writing and editing projects and marketing and PR.

 

Over the year, I’ve written for many of the publications in the Charleston area. My marketing clients are small businesses and nonprofits. I take great pride in sharing their stories with the public. I rarely look for new work. Much of it comes from referrals and networking – a testament to the power of a person’s reputation and building relationships in a community.

 

There have been some bumps as any person who is self-employed will attest. But I firmly believe I made the right decision a year ago. I prayed about this endeavor and know my blessings over the last year are God-given.

 

I have some exciting new projects on the horizon for 2013 – both personally and professionally – so stick with me. You don’t want to miss what’s coming!

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Let me show you my pull-ups

Photo/CrossFit.com

A New York Times blog post last week launched a firestorm, especially in the CrossFit community. The piece, titled “Why Women Can’t Do Pull-Ups,” generated 507 online comments and a ton of “oh watch this” videos in the CrossFit community.

 

Are pull-ups tough? Yes.

 

Does it take work to master pull-ups? Yes.

 

Might a woman have to work a little harder to master pull-ups because she doesn’t have the same natural upper body strength as a man? Maybe.

 

Is it impossible for women to do pull-ups. No, not at all. Absolutely not.

 

It’s taken me more than two years to do a pull-up on my own without the assistance of a band. I can do three in row. I’m working my way up to five and eventually 10.

 

It’s quite possible the headline was selected to get people fired up (it worked) and to spark debate (it did). But I also found it offensive and sexist. Once again, women are told they can’t do ________.

 

I’m pretty sure I recently watched a whole team of women take home Olympic medals for swinging themselves around (pull-up) bars just as well as the men did. Watch the CrossFit Games to see some of the fittest women on the planet do pull-ups, muscle-ups and a whole lot more. Come to my CrossFit facility to see women kicking butt on the pull-up bar.

 

Not only was I offended for myself specifically and for women in general, but as the mother of a 4-year-old girl, I would never tell her she couldn’t do pull-ups because she’s a girl. And don’t you dare tell her that either.

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How to save a life

“You’ve been a life saver.”

 

Those words will undoubtedly stick with me. As the president of the Postpartum Support Charleston board my phone number is listed on our website and often given out to people with questions about our organization. I’m happy to be that resource – especially when I get calls like the one I did Friday night.

 

A woman – let’s call her Lisa – called me because she needed help. She’d been hit by a wave of exhaustion, she’d just stopped nursing and she was having disturbing thoughts that she might do something harmful to herself or her baby – even if just because she was so tired.

 

She’d gone to the doctor and then to the ER and then to a local mental health facility, which didn’t sound like the best option for her situation. But it’s just one more example of how women with postpartum depression and anxiety are misunderstood and how medical professionals often handle these women so inadequately. But that’s another post for another day.

 

Lisa shared her story, telling me that she felt “like a monster” for the feelings she was having. I assured her she was most certainly not a monster and most certainly not the first woman to have felt this way. We spent about 20 minutes on the phone and I gave her some additional resources and suggested she continue to get some good rest (fortunately she had family in town who had been caring for the baby).

 

She thanked me for talking with her and then uttered that powerful sentence. That reaffirmed for me God’s calling to help women with PPD. If Lisa is the only woman I ever help, it would be worth it. If she can realize she’s not a monster, not a terrible mother and not a woman who needs to be locked away then my life has made an impact. I can know the months I suffered so deeply with my own bout of PPD could be used for something good.

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Influence Conference: Get to know you questions

I’m really looking forward to meeting the 200 or so women who will be at the Influence Conference next week in Indianapolis. Many of the gals have been using their blogs to introduce themselves before we all converge on Indy. (Did I mention the conference hotel is attached to a mall?)

 

So I’m following this structure from Kimberly over at ThisHealthyEndeavor.com.

 

What’s the #1 most played song on your iPod?

Pretty much anything country or 1990s tunes (there, I’ve dated myself).

 

If you had to work on only one project for the next year, what would it be?

I serve as the president of the nonprofit organization Postpartum Support Charleston and would love to devote a year to that organization and my own personal work educating the public, women and medical professionals about PPD while helping to break the stigma of this illness.

 

What story does your family always tell about you?
My grandparents like to talk about when they helped me move from Ohio to Texas after college. My grandpa says it was the hardest thing he ever did leaving me in a new town where I was about to start a new job and didn’t know anyone. But it turned out to be an amazing experience where I had a great job as a newspaper reporter, made some lifelong friends and met my husband.

 

The best part of waking up is?

Coffee! I’m an early riser and love having a little time to myself in the morning so I can start the day reading my Bible or a devotional book and praying. Then I go to CrossFit, which I love.

 

What is your favorite time of day/day of the week/month of the year?

My favorite time of day is the early morning because it’s peaceful. Sometimes I don’t mind Mondays because the weekends are often so hectic! Growing up in Ohio, I dreaded fall because it meant a brutal winter was just around the corner. But now living Charleston, I love October and November – we finally stop sweating!

 

With my husband, Clint, and daughter, Kate.
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A new direction of influence

Next week I’m headed off to the Influence Conference in Indianapolis to learn new ways that I might have influence.  Here’s a conference description.

 

“We believe that God has given you influence right where you are, for one purpose: to make much of Him. At Influence we’re going to dig into the common thread of all of us – the Good News. We plan on doing a little teaching, talking, sharing, and celebrating concerning the ways He might want to use you on the individual platforms He’s given.”

 

I’m excited for this event for two reasons: one, I get a weekend away with girlfriends and the conference hotel is attached to a mall! Two, I want to use this time to really hone my purpose. If you follow my story, you know I’ve been devoting a good deal of time and energy to spreading awareness about postpartum depression. About two years after my own PPD struggles, I really felt God calling me to work in this area.

 

Part of me needed to find a reason I had experienced such a difficult period in my life. I needed to know something good could come from that. I also felt strongly that Christian women suffering with PPD needed a resource. My initial thought was to write a book about my experience and that of other women and give it a spiritual focus.

 

I began the book – the research and some writing. I have two chapters drafted (not a particularly stellar start). But a couple of months ago, the idea of the book became less appealing. Writing is no small task and while I’ve written hundreds – maybe even thousands – of newspaper and magazine articles, I had never written a book. And let me tell you, it’s hard. It’s also a lengthy process. The writing and revisions take months or years. Then there’s the process of finding a publisher, and I knew it could be three to five years before I had a book in my hands.

 

Maybe this isn’t the best way to fulfill my mission. And so I’m rethinking my direction. I’m leaning toward creating an online community and reaching women that way. It feels more immediate and direct – and more successful. I’m not saying “never” to the idea of a book. I’m just saying “not right now.”

 

So my desire at this Influence Conference next week is to gain more focus and direction for this idea of an online platform – how to develop and grow it so that I may have influence.

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Two years and counting

Today marks my two-year anniversary as a CrossFit athlete. It’s truly been the best thing I’ve ever done for my physical and mental health. I started at the very bottom of the CrossFit scale and have sweated my way up. Sure, I still struggle with lots of movements, but I have improved dramatically over those first few months.

 

For someone who has always avoided sports like the plague it’s all the more amazing that I’ve picked up a barbell, attempted handstands and jumped on anything taller than a stair step.

 

So, thanks to my trainer Tina Whetzel and my family at CrossFit Mt. Pleasant. Not only has my physical health and appearance improved but I’ve had the privilege of becoming friends with an amazing group of people.

 

 

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Expanding my voice

I recently helped launch a writing group called “Voices: Write to be Heard.” It started through my church, Seacoast, but is open to women writers and would-be writers all over Charleston. We meet monthly to hear from speakers about writing topics, blogging, growing your platform, etc. Women also can participate in regular critique groups with other writers.

 

I’m contributing to the Voices blog weekly. Be sure to check out my posts each Monday with tips for improving your writing.

 

You also can follow Voices on Facebook and Twitter.

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Father’s Day lessons

Last night at church, the pastor begins his Father’s Day-themed message asking “What did your father give you?” My initial thought was, “Absolutely nothing.”

 

My parents divorced when I was about 7 years old and my father didn’t have an active role in our lives. If I heard from him on Christmas and my birthday, it was a good year. So while many people can credit their dads for giving them a Christian foundation, a sense of humor, self-esteem or support, I can’t claim those same values from my dad.

 

But as I thought more about the pastor’s question, I realized maybe the answer wasn’t a big, fat nothing. I had actually learned a thing or two from my dad and he probably never even realized it.

 

From my dad, I learned:

  • To be independent. I wasn’t so sure men were particularly reliable and I figured it was best to make my own way in this world and not find myself beholden to anyone else.
  • What would make a great husband and father. I looked at what I had – and didn’t have – and knew I wanted something different. I’m grateful I knew to choose a husband.
  • Circumstances don’t have to define you. Based on statistics alone, girls who grew up without active fathers are more likely to get into trouble, get pregnant as teenagers, have low self-esteem and so on. Don’t be a statistic. Don’t let your past define your future.
  • I do have a heavenly Father who can fill any void left by an earthy father. He won’t leave me.

 

So it may not be the traditional way to glean lessons from a father, but I think they’re important lessons nonetheless and I’m grateful for them.

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Parenting taboos

A friend and fellow writer, Angie Mizzell, contacted me a few weeks ago about a column she was writing for Lowcountry Parent magazine on parenting taboos – those topics that parents just aren’t allowed to discuss.

 

Angie sent me a link to a TED talk by Rufus Griscom and Alisa Volkman, the founders of parenting website Babble.com, in which they discussed parenting taboos, including the loneliness of parenting. (Check out the video.)

 

Angie asked me to offer up some comments and I’m thrilled she included me in her column.

 

“I think those taboos apply to all moms (and dads) but are so applicable to women suffering from postpartum depression. Postpartum depression may be the greatest parenting taboo of all,” says Holly Fisher, a Charleston mom who’s writing a book about postpartum depression and serves on the board for the Ruth Rhoden Craven Foundation for Postpartum Depression Awareness. “As the Babble.com couple points out, you’re expected to be overwhelmed with love and your life with baby should be beautiful enough for the cover of a magazine,” Fisher says. “If things aren’t perfect, well then, surely you have failed as a mother. What a terrible burden for a new mom to carry.”

 

Read the full column, “Let’s Give Them Something To Talk About – Shattering parenting taboos,” in the April issue of Lowcountry Parent.

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Are you rushing to judgment?

Let me start by saying anytime a parent kills his or her children it is horrible. It is heart-breaking, sad, tragic and devastating. But I was saddened by the deluge of hurtful comments I read on a Facebook post today regarding whether Andrea Yates should be allowed to leave the mental hospital two hours a week to attend church.

 

I’m sure you remember Yates’ case. She drowned her five children in a bathtub in 2001, saying she thought Satan was telling her to kill her children to spare them from going to hell and that by killing them she was sending them to heaven. Her initial insanity defense was rejected and she was sentenced to a life in prison. In 2006, on an appeal, a jury found her guilty by reason of insanity and she was sent to a mental institution.

 

I recently read this article about how Yates lives with herself a decade after killing her babies and I began thinking about how we are so quick to condemn women in this situation without knowing all the facts and without understanding the significant consequences of illnesses like postpartum depression and the much more severe postpartum psychosis.

 

Just this week in nearby Orangeburg, S.C., a mother pleaded guilty to charges of murdering her 2-year-old son and 18-month-old son and was sentenced to 35 years in prison. Did this mother suffer from postpartum depression?

 

It’s easy to rush to judgment and vilify these women as horrible human beings because “a real mother would never harm her children.” But what if that mother is suffering from a horrible illness that causes her to think thoughts and behave in ways she never would have before having children.

 

Yes, in the decade since those five Yates children died, more attention has been given to PPD but it still remains in the shadows. And why wouldn’t it? What mother would want to come forward and admit she’s had similar thoughts knowing how she’ll be shamed by a general public that just doesn’t understand?

 

On all levels these situations are horrific. Tiny lives are lost, families are destroyed and women are sentenced to a life of guilt. But rather than focus our energies on throwing rocks at these women, let’s look around at the new mothers in our lives. Could they be suffering from PPD? Have you created an environment that would allow a woman to come to you with her problems? Because that’s the only way to bring good from these tragedies.

 

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Women are the solution

Women hold up half the sky.

– Chinese saying

 

Among the grim stories of how women and girls around the world face abuse, discrimination and a life as second-class citizens, there are stories of hope. I left with that message after hearing Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and author Nicholas Kristof speak at a luncheon yesterday put on by the Center for Women here in Charleston.

 

Kristof is the author of “Half The Sky,” a book about how to turn oppression into opportunity for women worldwide. His talk fell in line with Women’s History Month and this year’s theme of education and empowerment for women.

 

A long-time reporter for The New York Times, Kristof has spent years reporting on foreign countries and many of the atrocities against women. It’s no secret females in China face an uphill battle. Kristof recounted a story from 1990 in which a young girl had to drop out of school in sixth grade, despite being at the top of her class. The $13 in school fees just weren’t a priority for her parents.

 

Kristof reported on this girl, and NYT readers responded with donations that were used to subsidize school fees for girls in this small Chinese village – provided the girls maintained good grades.

 

That sixth grade girl went to get an accounting degree and eventually start her own accounting firm. She was able to share the money she made with family members who went on to start businesses as well. The entire village prospered — all because girls were afforded an education.

 

Those are stories of hope. But for each story like that, there are countless stories, statistics and sadness that represent what Kristof calls “the central moral challenge of the 21st century: the inequitable treatment of women and girls around the world.”

 

So what is the answer? Education and empowerment. As Kristoff said, “We have to educate girls and bring those women in the work force. Women and girls aren’t the problem but the solution.”

 

One significant issue facing women around the world — and even here in the United States is sex trafficking. Girls are often kidnapped and forced to work in brothels. In 2004, Kristoff “purchased” two girls from brothels and returned them to their villages. The cost for both girls was about $350. But the price wasn’t even most disturbing to Kristoff, it was that he received a receipt.

 

“When you get a receipt in the 21st century for buying another human being that should be a disgrace on the entire world,” he said.

 

It’s hard to even imagine living your life as a piece of property. I’ve certainly never been sold. I’ve never been denied proper medical treatment or an education because I’m a woman. All of us in that room yesterday are fortunate and because of that, we need to do our part to ensure women here at home and around the globe have the same rights, opportunities and chance to fulfill their dreams as we do.

 

How can you help?

Check out Kristoff’s book “Half the Sky” and his website at www.halftheskymovement.org for resources and ways to get involved.

 

The website backpage.com regularly has advertisements for young girls who are part of this sex trafficking problem. The site is owned by Village Voice Media and you can put pressure on the company to stop running these ads. Encourage their legitimate advertisers to drop their ads, which hits the company where it hurts most – the bottom line. Also, visit www.Change.org to sign the petition against the Village Voice.

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Out of my comfort zone

A friend posted this on Facebook today and I just had to steal it. It seemed so fitting for today. I’ve been accepted into a professional writers’ group with monthly meetings, critiques and deadlines. I’m excited and nervous. But it’s just the kick in the pants I need to get my book moving along and push me out of my comfort zone.

 

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Another one bites the dust

Once again I’ve fallen victim to the almighty bottom line. Today I got a call from a publication I’ve been doing some writing for to tell me know they can’t use me any longer because of “budget cuts.”

I wasn’t going to get rich on the money I made from the article, but I certainly was enriched by the work I was doing. I loved the interviews, meeting people, telling their stories and then hearing the reactions of people as they read the published pieces.

Part of the reason I do freelance work is so one person’s decision to make “budget cuts” doesn’t devour my entire income so, rest assured, I still have a livelihood but this still stings. It’s tough when your work is cast aside to save a few bucks.

The editor was nice when we talked and offered to give me a reference. And maybe the tide will turn and they can use me again at some point. Until then, I’ll remind myself this isn’t the same business I entered a dozen years ago and I have to accept that – but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.

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The ultimate insult

Photo/imransyakir.org

Remember several years – say 10 or 15 – when it took a lot of effort to stay in touch with people? You had to pick up the phone (a landline at that) and call them. You had to write a note and put it in the mail. You sent a Christmas card (not an e-card but a real envelope with a stamp). But if you lived any distance from folks – and sometimes even if you lived in the same town – it was easy to lose touch as life got busy and time passed.

 

Fast forward to today where everyone is just an email, text, webchat, LinkedIn message, Google+ hangout, Facebook chat or tweet away. It’s much, much easier to stay connected. In fact, you find yourself connected to people you barely know or maybe don’t even like that much.

 

But you have to admit it’s great – and easy – for staying up to date on all that goes on in the lives of people you know and care about. So, last week when someone told me about being unfriended on Facebook, it got me thinking about how that one action really demonstrates the power of our connectivity. Had this happened 15 years, it would have gone something like this: fewer phone calls, a missed Christmas or birthday card and eventually this person would have slipped from the other person’s life – not unnoticed but just in a more gradual way. A Facebook unfriending is abrupt and calculated. In this day of technology, it may very well be the ultimate insult.

 

Have you been unfriended on Facebook? How did it make you feel?