Sky writing, please

“Snip”

In a nanosecond I knew I made a mistake. Bangs. I haven’t had serious bangs in at least seven years, but utter hair frustration will make one do stupid things. So last weekend I told my hairdresser to give me a few bangs. At first she styled them at an angle, and by angle, I mean they were obstructing the view from my left eye. Not exactly practical for someone who spends all day reading and writing. So she cut them a little shorter, styled my hair and I decided, well, maybe they looked OK.

Of course once it came time for me to style them myself, all bets were off. I’ve received several compliments from friends and co-workers, including at least three people who told me I looked younger. Surely, that can’t be bad.

I’m still not sold, though. Maybe a few more days with my new do will convince me. If not, I guess I’ll start the growing out process.

It seems I’ve come out of every decision lately completely second-guessing myself. I decided last week to accept a new position within my company. Essentially I’ll be our Web editor (exact title yet to be determined). We are launching a new Web site in the coming months and expanding our e-mail products. We’re also launching a statewide business magazine, which will most certainly have a Web site component. This is also a brand new position for my company, so I’ll really be breaking ground.

I want to broaden my skills and make myself a more marketable journalist. After all, so much of our industry is headed down the digital path. And I have a real interest in learning some new technology — video streaming, podcasts, etc. Plus, I can make a mark for myself. I’ll have a chance to build a new position and shape the future of the company. Big stuff.

I gave the position a great deal of thought. I prayed about it and no negatives came to light. I couldn’t think of a reason not to take the job. But now … I think I’m just doubting myself and my abilities. New ventures are scary. And yet, I can’t help but wonder if I made the right decision.

I pray about these things and yet don’t always hear a clear answer from God. (Skywriting would be so very helpful, Lord.) Or maybe I’m just running at such a fast pace, God is talking and I don’t hear Him. Or maybe he needs more time to decide, and I’m working on my own timeline, which is NOW.

Several months into my 30s, I find myself at a crossroads. I’m making a job change, I’m teaching at the college level (could that lead to a career change down the road?) and I’m pondering my future with the Society of Professional Journalists board of directors (my term as regional director ends next fall and I don’t intend to run again). Should I pursue higher office? It’s a four-year commitment and a heady responsibility.

The next three to four years also seem to be the critical time to decide whether to have children. This decision takes the prize for most complicated and difficult. If the answer is “start a family,” major life changes have to happen and my career may have to take a backseat. If the answer is “don’t start a family,” will I wake up 20 years from now wishing I could look forward to grandchildren?

I’ve made a lot of important decisions in my life: moving to Texas, marrying Clint, pursuing a master’s degree. And all these decisions enhanced my life in ways I can’t even describe. I made those decisions and never looked back.

Yet those decisions came at different stages of my life and now it seems I’m faced with several important, life-changing decisions all at the same time. And yet, it’s possible I’m just thinking too much. I’m spending too much time analyzing and maybe the best decision is “just do it.” The trick, though, is figuring out what “it” is.