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I Am Because … essay finalist with Skirt! Charleston

Several weeks ago, I read about a Mother’s Day essay contest hosted by Skirt!, a Charleston area women’s magazine. The basic assignment was to answer the following: “I am the woman I am today because my mother …” I clipped the page from the magazine and put it on my desk. Of course, it was inevitably buried under a pile of papers, where I unearthed it about two days before the deadline.

Finally, the day before the deadline, a Facebook post promoting the essay contest reminded me again – I either needed to write something today or forget it. So, while waiting for Kate at her gymnastics class, I started writing about how motherhood is hard. Hard for me. Hard for own mom. Probably hard at times for you too. And, yet, we can learn from the hard times, the good times, the everyday moments. I sent off the essay and figured, if nothing else, I’d put it in a Mother’s Day card for my mom. So, imagine my surprise to learn that my essay was one of the finalists.

As a finalist, I was able to participate in a Lisette L Fashion Show at the Volvo Car Open in April, and in May, all the finalists will be recognized at a luncheon. I’m honored my own mom will be able to join me at that event on May 11. You can pick up the May issue of Skirt! to read a little of each finalist’s essay. And I’m publishing mine below:

I Am Because …

If you ask my mom, she’ll probably give you a list of all the ways she thinks she failed at motherhood. That’s the way it is when you’re a mom, isn’t it? You second guess every decision. You struggle with guilt and feelings of inadequacy. You get tunnel vision on the times you lost your temper or forgot a school function. Like my own mom, I worry daily that I’m not doing enough, that I’m not being enough for my own daughter.

I’m 40 years old and my mom probably still wonders the same thing: was I enough for my daughter?

Yes, Mom, you were enough. It’s because of you I grew into the woman I am today. It’s because of you I have a beautiful life filled with accomplishments, possibilities and love.

Mom, you may focus on the faults, but I choose to focus on the many ways you shaped me. You were an example of a single mom with two kids who went to college to become a social worker. You’ve spent years helping people through incredibly difficult situations as they overcome addictions and personal crisis.

Because of you, I recognize and appreciate strong, dedicated and caring women.

You took me to Sunday school and church. You taught me bedtime prayers and the importance of reading the Bible and listening to that still small voice that guides us in our decisions.

Because of you, I can fulfill the calling laid out for me.

Mom, you encouraged me in everything. I believed I could do anything I set my mind to and, that with hard work and determination, I could conquer the world.

Because of you, I have done just that.

You instilled in me a sense of personal confidence and a value that any man worth having was one who pursued, respected and valued me.

Because of you, I have the most incredible husband. He’s loved me unconditionally and supported me for almost 17 years.

As a grandmother, you’ve demonstrated a mother’s love and what it means to cherish and adore a precious child.

Because of you, I can pause and appreciate my role not as a caretaker who schedules swim lessons and packs lunches, but as the caretaker entrusted with raising another young woman poised to take on the world.

So, thank you, Mom, for all the big and little ways you molded me, my character and my passion. For without those promptings, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today.

Holly and her mom, Bonnie

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Word of the year: Peace

Last year I hoped on a trend of picking a word of the year. I choose “strength” and as I read my post from a year ago, I didn’t feel as if I’d totally blown it over the year. In fact, I needed a little more strength than I anticipated last year to survive a move, adjust to life with a school-age child and to support Clint as he entered the land of the self-employed.

 

So, what’s my word for 2014? A few possibilities had come to mind but the one that struck me the hardest was “peace.” For the most part, my life is anything but peaceful. It’s busy, chaotic and crazy – and most of the time I thrive in that kind of environment. At times, I feel myself relating to this verse in Job: “What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me. I have no peace, no quietness; I have no rest, but only turmoil.” (Job 3: 25-26)

 

That’s a slight exaggeration, of course, but still I could use a little more peace – and not just peace and quiet (although I’ll take some more of that!).

 

Peace in my family. Having a strong-willed (almost) 6-year-old can suck the peace right out of your life. She can be argumentative and demanding and loving and precious – all in the span of 5 minutes. It’s tiring. I need to find peace in me to create peace in her. And part of that means making peace with motherhood – a part of my life that hasn’t been easy. I need to make peace with those first years so I can be present for what’s to come.

 

Peace in saying “no.” Part of my lack of peace is my tendency to take on too much. I’ve never met a cause I couldn’t get behind or a project I couldn’t tackle. But I have to remember that just because you can doesn’t mean you should. It’s OK to say “no” sometimes. Interestingly, I tried it a time or two last year and the world didn’t end.

 

Peace in my own mind. Aside from CrossFitting, I don’t carve out a chunk of the day/week that’s just for me. This year I want to work on my personal writing – even if that’s just updating my blog on a weekly basis. Sounds simple but it’s often hard for me to allow myself the peace and quiet to just be with my own thoughts and do some writing.

 

Peace in my God. Each year I look for ways to better my spiritual health and grow in my relationship with God. I’ll be working to stay committed to daily devotional time and tackle some books and studies that help me grow.

 

So, here we go into 2014 with a resolve for greater peace.

 

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Celebrating a year of HAF Creative

Photo/Billy Alexander

Today marks the one-year anniversary of HAF Creative. It’s been quite a year, and I’m incredibly grateful to the clients who have hired me, the editors who have assigned stories to me, the people who have referred me and the amazing group of friends, colleagues and family who have supported me over the last year.

 

For me, staking out my own little corner of the small business world has been very freeing. I’ve been able to choose the projects I want and focus my energies on the kind of work that I most enjoy. My work is split between writing and editing projects and marketing and PR.

 

Over the year, I’ve written for many of the publications in the Charleston area. My marketing clients are small businesses and nonprofits. I take great pride in sharing their stories with the public. I rarely look for new work. Much of it comes from referrals and networking – a testament to the power of a person’s reputation and building relationships in a community.

 

There have been some bumps as any person who is self-employed will attest. But I firmly believe I made the right decision a year ago. I prayed about this endeavor and know my blessings over the last year are God-given.

 

I have some exciting new projects on the horizon for 2013 – both personally and professionally – so stick with me. You don’t want to miss what’s coming!

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A new direction of influence

Next week I’m headed off to the Influence Conference in Indianapolis to learn new ways that I might have influence.  Here’s a conference description.

 

“We believe that God has given you influence right where you are, for one purpose: to make much of Him. At Influence we’re going to dig into the common thread of all of us – the Good News. We plan on doing a little teaching, talking, sharing, and celebrating concerning the ways He might want to use you on the individual platforms He’s given.”

 

I’m excited for this event for two reasons: one, I get a weekend away with girlfriends and the conference hotel is attached to a mall! Two, I want to use this time to really hone my purpose. If you follow my story, you know I’ve been devoting a good deal of time and energy to spreading awareness about postpartum depression. About two years after my own PPD struggles, I really felt God calling me to work in this area.

 

Part of me needed to find a reason I had experienced such a difficult period in my life. I needed to know something good could come from that. I also felt strongly that Christian women suffering with PPD needed a resource. My initial thought was to write a book about my experience and that of other women and give it a spiritual focus.

 

I began the book – the research and some writing. I have two chapters drafted (not a particularly stellar start). But a couple of months ago, the idea of the book became less appealing. Writing is no small task and while I’ve written hundreds – maybe even thousands – of newspaper and magazine articles, I had never written a book. And let me tell you, it’s hard. It’s also a lengthy process. The writing and revisions take months or years. Then there’s the process of finding a publisher, and I knew it could be three to five years before I had a book in my hands.

 

Maybe this isn’t the best way to fulfill my mission. And so I’m rethinking my direction. I’m leaning toward creating an online community and reaching women that way. It feels more immediate and direct – and more successful. I’m not saying “never” to the idea of a book. I’m just saying “not right now.”

 

So my desire at this Influence Conference next week is to gain more focus and direction for this idea of an online platform – how to develop and grow it so that I may have influence.

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Expanding my voice

I recently helped launch a writing group called “Voices: Write to be Heard.” It started through my church, Seacoast, but is open to women writers and would-be writers all over Charleston. We meet monthly to hear from speakers about writing topics, blogging, growing your platform, etc. Women also can participate in regular critique groups with other writers.

 

I’m contributing to the Voices blog weekly. Be sure to check out my posts each Monday with tips for improving your writing.

 

You also can follow Voices on Facebook and Twitter.

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Women are the solution

Women hold up half the sky.

– Chinese saying

 

Among the grim stories of how women and girls around the world face abuse, discrimination and a life as second-class citizens, there are stories of hope. I left with that message after hearing Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and author Nicholas Kristof speak at a luncheon yesterday put on by the Center for Women here in Charleston.

 

Kristof is the author of “Half The Sky,” a book about how to turn oppression into opportunity for women worldwide. His talk fell in line with Women’s History Month and this year’s theme of education and empowerment for women.

 

A long-time reporter for The New York Times, Kristof has spent years reporting on foreign countries and many of the atrocities against women. It’s no secret females in China face an uphill battle. Kristof recounted a story from 1990 in which a young girl had to drop out of school in sixth grade, despite being at the top of her class. The $13 in school fees just weren’t a priority for her parents.

 

Kristof reported on this girl, and NYT readers responded with donations that were used to subsidize school fees for girls in this small Chinese village – provided the girls maintained good grades.

 

That sixth grade girl went to get an accounting degree and eventually start her own accounting firm. She was able to share the money she made with family members who went on to start businesses as well. The entire village prospered — all because girls were afforded an education.

 

Those are stories of hope. But for each story like that, there are countless stories, statistics and sadness that represent what Kristof calls “the central moral challenge of the 21st century: the inequitable treatment of women and girls around the world.”

 

So what is the answer? Education and empowerment. As Kristoff said, “We have to educate girls and bring those women in the work force. Women and girls aren’t the problem but the solution.”

 

One significant issue facing women around the world — and even here in the United States is sex trafficking. Girls are often kidnapped and forced to work in brothels. In 2004, Kristoff “purchased” two girls from brothels and returned them to their villages. The cost for both girls was about $350. But the price wasn’t even most disturbing to Kristoff, it was that he received a receipt.

 

“When you get a receipt in the 21st century for buying another human being that should be a disgrace on the entire world,” he said.

 

It’s hard to even imagine living your life as a piece of property. I’ve certainly never been sold. I’ve never been denied proper medical treatment or an education because I’m a woman. All of us in that room yesterday are fortunate and because of that, we need to do our part to ensure women here at home and around the globe have the same rights, opportunities and chance to fulfill their dreams as we do.

 

How can you help?

Check out Kristoff’s book “Half the Sky” and his website at www.halftheskymovement.org for resources and ways to get involved.

 

The website backpage.com regularly has advertisements for young girls who are part of this sex trafficking problem. The site is owned by Village Voice Media and you can put pressure on the company to stop running these ads. Encourage their legitimate advertisers to drop their ads, which hits the company where it hurts most – the bottom line. Also, visit www.Change.org to sign the petition against the Village Voice.

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Out of my comfort zone

A friend posted this on Facebook today and I just had to steal it. It seemed so fitting for today. I’ve been accepted into a professional writers’ group with monthly meetings, critiques and deadlines. I’m excited and nervous. But it’s just the kick in the pants I need to get my book moving along and push me out of my comfort zone.

 

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Another one bites the dust

Once again I’ve fallen victim to the almighty bottom line. Today I got a call from a publication I’ve been doing some writing for to tell me know they can’t use me any longer because of “budget cuts.”

I wasn’t going to get rich on the money I made from the article, but I certainly was enriched by the work I was doing. I loved the interviews, meeting people, telling their stories and then hearing the reactions of people as they read the published pieces.

Part of the reason I do freelance work is so one person’s decision to make “budget cuts” doesn’t devour my entire income so, rest assured, I still have a livelihood but this still stings. It’s tough when your work is cast aside to save a few bucks.

The editor was nice when we talked and offered to give me a reference. And maybe the tide will turn and they can use me again at some point. Until then, I’ll remind myself this isn’t the same business I entered a dozen years ago and I have to accept that – but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.

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Making a difference

Being a journalist requires you to have thick skin. Occasionally people won’t like what you write. Often an editor will chew up some of your sentences. Sources can be rude. Politicians dodge questions. It all just comes with the territory. But at the end of the day, you know you’ve uncovered a truth, righted a wrong or maybe just given a really cool person his or her day in the sun.

 

That “higher calling” and the desire to make a difference is what drives most journalists to do what they do. It’s certainly not the pay and the hours. As I have refocused my professional life back toward more writing I am reminded of just how much I love it. The last few weeks I’ve so enjoyed doing interviews and writing articles. I’ve done some editing and am overseeing a Charleston visitor publication. The work has been keeping me busy and the deadlines are always looming but it’s that good kind of hectic stress gives your day meaning and zest.

 

Last week my first article for the local paper, The Post and Courier, was published in the Moxie section, which focuses on women and women’s issues. The piece was about Karen St. Marie, a woman who has devoted her life’s work to her grown son and his epilepsy. She’s formed a nonprofit organization to provide support to families and caregivers. Her story was so inspiring.

 

When the article appeared, I received lots of nice compliments and an incredibly sweet note from Karen. She thanked me for the “fabulous” article and wrote, “You did a great job making the public aware of what we go through and how it affects epilepsy patients on a daily basis. I really appreciate your desire to help us raise awareness.”

 

And that’s why I do this kind of work.

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New opportunities begin today

Today begins a new venture: I’m back to working for myself. Last month, I decided to transition back to full-time freelance work. The reasons were numerous, but high on the list is the ability to better manage my schedule so I can work on the book about postpartum depression I’ve been attempting to write for the better part of 2011. I haven’t had much time to devote to the book, so I haven’t gotten far in the process.

 

I’m starting to put together a weekly schedule that incorporates regular writing and research times and allow myself to make that work – even though it’s not paying – a priority. I’ll also be doing more freelance writing and editing projects as well as continuing to manage a couple of clients for Step Ahead.

 

Plus, I’ve decided to officially create my own company, a sole propriotership called HAF Creative. Look for a new website coming soon. I have to schedule some time to open a bank account and get my finances set up. There’s more record keeping when you have your own business (tracking your expenses, making quarterly tax payments) but the personal benefits will be great and the commute is quite short and there’s never any traffic.

 

I’ll also be moving this blog and past posts over to my new website and keeping it updated more regularly as a way build excitement about the book and share my regular witty musings. Stay tuned!

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Book Update

I’m making some small steps on my book. I created a schedule of to-dos that focuses on drafting a chapter list and descriptions, completing market research and writhing things like the dusk jacket author bio. The good news is there aren’t many books out there on postpartum depression, particularly in the Christian publishing world. If you know of any, send them my way. I hope the lack of books on this topic will make it a bit easier to get my own book published while filling a need.

So, hold me accountable because these various items are due Aug. 12. After that, I’ll work on getting an agent and actually putting together some chapters (which now consist of a hodge-podge of notes and musings).

Note, the photo is the cover of the notebook I’m using to track ideas, notes, tasks, etc. for my book so look for that image in book updates. (And thanks, Ronda, for the fabulous notebook!) 

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Daring to ask God for the impossible

I recently completed the book “Sun Stand Still” by Steven Furtick. Go get a copy…now. It’s a tremendous book that spoke to me at just the right time. Furtick is a pastor in Charlotte who has preached at our church a few times. He’s a young guy with a great message and a passion for God. I love hearing him speak and when they sold his book at our church, I snatched up a copy. But like so many of the books I buy, it sat on the nightstand for months.
So when I started a women’s study at my church earlier this year, and one of the classes was studying this book, I knew I had to join that group. The premise of the book is “what happens when you dare to ask God for the impossible.” It’s about asking God to do something really big in your life – something audacious and seemingly impossible.
For the last year or so, I’ve been chipping away at an idea for a book on postpartum depression. I felt maybe I could help others who had gone through PPD and that surely my suffering with that illness could have a larger purpose. I have only found one book on PPD that takes a Christian perspective so I thought there could be a market for this kind of resource.
During one of the first group sessions, we shared our visions. I was hesitant to share mine, but did. Several women in the group nodded in understanding when I said I’d suffered from PPD and then talked about my desire to write a book on the experience.
A young mother approached me the next week and told me her feelings of PPD and a few days later we met for coffee. She encouraged me to work on the book and offered her support. We shared our experiences with PPD. I love when God lines up experiences, putting us in just the right place at just the right time with just the right people.
I’ve been struggling with finding the time to work on the book. In truth, I think it may be less about making the time and more about the fear of such an undertaking. But I’ve finished reading the last couple chapters of “Sun Stand Still” and continue to believe this is God’s desire for me, so I’m renewing my commitment to this project and carving out some dedicated time to work on it. So, hold me accountable on my progress. Give me a nudge. Say a prayer for me. Here I go ….